missing Tom

For years I have felt that Tom and I have become family members, by way of Buster.... by way of a shared love of the same dog. He moved into my small 2 bedroom 1 bath house over 8 years ago, because of Buster (I had noted in my housemate listing that a dachsund mix dog lived here), and stayed 8 years, despite occasional yearnings to live a more rural life, because of his great love and connection to him.

It did not take me long to realize I was living with a true gem. One of the kindest, gentlest, open-hearted men you'd ever know (well, you know....). Tom was the only person on earth that knew all of my secrets, habits, issues, and neurosis. He saw me through great personal challenges, discoveries, and revelations. He loved to talk about relationships, and we regularly got into the deep nitty gritty stuff of what makes us tick, and what is going on on the deepest levels of our emotional and spiritual lives.

Knowing what a good friend and loving person he was (do I have to say "was"?), and that he is also somewhat introverted, yet was interested in having a woman in his life for a deep, intimate connection, I took it upon myself to find that lucky woman that might share a loving relationship with Tom. Felt almost like a duty....like someone this great (Tom) could make someone else so happy...., and maybe he could find great joy with the right woman..... By the time I fenegled a way to get him and Elizabeth to meet, I had already tried 5 times to make a match. I always felt honored that Tom trusted my opinion/judgement/taste enough to follow up on all my matchmaking attempts. None of them were disastrous...but only one really struck that chord that changes your whole life.

This July, as Tom was getting ready to move out, was somewhat tumultuous for both of us. I was stunned by the suddenness...and in some ways, Tom was stunned too. He feared not getting to see Buster enough, and I let him know that he could see Buster whenever he wanted, and that Buster could stay at his new place, down the street, a lot too. Once, he even remarked that he was having some issues and concerns about leaving me, as we were now like family. It was nice to hear it wasn't only about Buster! I'm not exactly sure how I responded that day, but what I wanted to get across, was that, like family, we will always be connected.

The day before his chest pains started, I remember walking Buster home from Tom and Elizabeth's place. Buster had spent the night there, and I had been out of town camping. That morning, upon returning to Santa Rosa and checking my messages, there was one from Tom asking me to do him a "favor".
The favor was that when I picked Buster up at his house, to go into the main part of the house and use his phone to call him at work so he would know that Buster was no longer alone. I did that, and Tom asked "how was he?" since Buster had shown signs of not being at ease in the new house, particularly when Tom wasn't there, and he had just spent an hour alone. I said, he seems fine, and thanked him for caring so much.

As I left their house, walking Buster up the street toward my home, I felt this huge swell in my heart....I felt so blessed....like Tom's moving down the street (instead of somewhere farther away) expanded my world...expanded my family...that the love had only grown...