remembering, with great fondness and deep regret

the regret is that I'd not seen Tom in ..... WOW .... the years roll by. A bit more than 3 years. Never thought I'd lose the chance to just call him up and suggest dinner, or a bike ride. We were real buddies for many years while we were both "single-and-looking" ... (tho I think I was looking a whole lot harder than he was). We'd met on an internet dating site in the spring of 2000. It was "buds at first sight" .... or at least by the end of that first evening.

What a difference it made to have such a loving, thoughtful and true friend, whose company I enjoyed so thoroughly. Tom was so INTERESTING .... so fascinated by the twists and turns and nuance of the human heart and mind. Those were hard years for me, and so much softer because of Tom's friendship. We used to go on long bike rides (actually, they were probably short ones for him, but long for me) and then make WAY healthy dinners out of fresh produce when we'd worked up a serious appetite. He was so HEALTHY and so knowledgable about nutrition. I respected and enjoyed him deeply, in so many ways. Amazingly, he was better than any of my girlfriends when it came to discussing all the shades of possible interpretation regarding whatever romance/relationship issues I was having at any given time. I don't think that I've ever had such a close and loving relationship with a man whom I was NOT "in relationship" with -- before or since. If I had to file my memories of Tom under just one word, it would be "kindness". The deep, all the way thru, type of kindness.

One story: It was about a rabbit. Or maybe a few. Tom had a construction job (residential). And the person who's house he was working on kept rabbits in a cage outside. He was worried because he didn't think they were getting adequate care. And it got cold at night. He didn't think they got enough to eat. And it broke his heart to see them trapped in a cage. He felt that something had to be done. He didn't know how to approach the owner about the rabbit's care. He brought them food. He brought them a blanket which he put into the cage. He deliberated for many weeks over the best course of action. We composed many letters to the woman who kept the rabbits in that cage. I don't recall what actually ended up happening, or if there was ever any resolution. What I do remember was the DEPTH of ANGUISH that Tom suffered over those rabbits and their living conditions. I share some of his sensitivity (tho to a lesser degree), so I recall that we both spent many many many hours brainstorming about what could be done to give those rabbits a better life.

I find tears coming as I think of my dear friend Tom, and how I took so for granted that he'd always be here ... with that infinite well of kindness that he embodied. Blessings upon you, dear friend .... I am so enriched by having shared some time and some essential being-ness with you.